jupiterhalo: ([Resident Evil] Chris' attempt at logic)
It's been almost two months since my last post! How time flies...

Nothing much has been going on. Work and school have taken over my life, which is fine. I like being busy, and I'm doing really well at CSU so far. I have A's in all of my classes so far, so hopefully that continues!

I'm feeling a lot better, now that I've had my freak out. Wednesday night I treated myself to a movie, but then broke down when I got home and cried out some of the frustration and sadness I've been feeling over the past year. I feel more like myself now, and I've decided that I'm not going to use what has happened to me regarding my parents as a crutch anymore.

I think I'm going to try and take up a few more hobbies, if I have time. I told Michi that I want to start taking singing lessons again, which is true. I also want to look into doing some horseback riding again, or maybe I'll find something completely new! I want to start yoga and meditation again, as well. I don't know where I'm going to find the time to do this, but I will find a way! Maybe I will be able to make some new friends along the way.

I think I'm going to take up my entry title as one of my two personal mantras. I'm tired of being unhappy with myself, and I will start to remember that I can choose how I feel each day.

Anyway, Shannon found this 30 day meme relating to Resident Evil that she wants me to post. Hopefully it will encourage me to post more often, since I have been really bad about that during the past few years.

30 day meme! )
jupiterhalo: ([Resident Evil] Yeah)
So long, 2011... )
jupiterhalo: ([Lady GaGa] Sexy hair)
/is late jumping on the bandwagon

www.colorquiz.com

Results underneath... )
jupiterhalo: ([Supernatural] We've come to hug)
Oh, 2010. How fast you flew by. I was talking with my boss before leaving work yesterday, and we both came to the conclusion that this is one of the fastest years that's gone by. Crazy.

I'm going to leave 2010 almost 30 pounds lighter than I started it, but with a much heavier heart. There were a lot of good times this year; so many that I probably won't be able to remember them all. I really enjoyed getting to know some of my friends a lot better (Kira, Anna, Jake <3), the Lady GaGa concert, finally finishing up my Associate's Degree (even though I won't technically graduate until the spring), work going well... and getting more responsibilities to take care of, losing almost 30 pounds since September, my sister and I spending more time together... and so many more good things.

I want to say a big thank you to the people who have supported me this year, especially over the past month. Kira, Ana, Shannon, and Anna, I don't know what I would have done without you. Thank you so much. <3

This is my New Year's Resolution: do my best each day in work, friendships, relationships, and personal things. That way, I won't live with any more regrets than I have now. And, to let the people that I care about know that I care about them. I thought that I would have a lot longer to do that with my mother, and I have to live with the fact that all of my chances with her are now gone. This new year (and every new year after it) is going to be tough, but I'm finally realizing that I have the strength to carry on. 2010 has taught me a lot about myself, even if they were harsh lessons.

Here's to 2011. :D

371- G.D.

Oct. 12th, 2010 12:50 am
jupiterhalo: ([Clownana] Glare)
Ohai there hormones. Thanks so much for making me have mood swings.

I swear, I've been up and down the gamut of emotions over the past two days. Totally making a big eye about it.

...And that's terrible.

365- Life.

Aug. 24th, 2010 08:07 pm
jupiterhalo: ([The Bouncer] Volt)
Today has been quite a good day, despite my sunburn getting to that really disgusting phase before blistering. xD

I had my six month cleaning/check-up at the dentist first thing this morning. Normally at these things I have to schedule at least two or three cavities to be filled, and have the hygienist yell at me for not flossing. But this time is probably the first time ever that I haven't had any cavities at all! I just have to floss, which I'm already aware of. That made me pretty happy.

My class was okay last night. It was also very boring, so I'm hoping that once we get into the actual weather stuff (instead of talking about things like density and pressure) it will be more interesting. I'm going to need to bring a snack or something to that class in order to stay awake. My teacher is also quite awkward, so we'll see how things pan out.

Nothing much has been going on, other than that. Just work, reading, catching up on Friends with [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] and stuff like that.
jupiterhalo: ([Misc] Worst date ever)
Yesterday was a busy day for me! I'm not really used to that. I went on a bike ride with my dad in the morning, and found a cookbook and a new spare comforter. Then I went down to LotP in the afternoon and got made up like a zombie, in order to walk around NewWest Fest and promote the zombie crawl that's happening on October 23rd. That was both fun and exhausting, even though I got a bad sunburn on my shoulders and back. xD A bunch of people thought I was actually injured, and one guy thought I had AIDS. In the evening, [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] went shopping for new clothes and then went to Old C's with her dad.

Last night I had the worst trouble sleeping. I'd wake up every two to three hours on account of my sunburn hurting like a mofo. At about 4 I decided to just get up and go to the store since I needed things. I feel bad, since I woke Joe up when I was putting my stuff away in the freezer. xD But he doesn't work today, so it's not as bad as it could be.

School starts tomorrow, which will be nice. That way I can get it over with, instead of dreading it. Other than that, nothing has really been going on.
jupiterhalo: ([Paradise Kiss] Tired Arashi)
[Error: unknown template qotd]

Yeah, I still have the teddy bear my uncle gave me when I was born. I used to sleep with him every night and carry him around with me on trips and stuff. Now he's laying in my hope chest, at my parent's house.

Even though I didn't do much at all this weekend, I still feel really stressed out about stuff. Hopefully I'll be able to relax and mellow out during the week, but I doubt it. Tuesday is Payables, after all.

And here is a meme taken from [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com]. Holy crap do I feel old.

Are you a '90s kid? )

359

Aug. 3rd, 2010 11:04 pm
jupiterhalo: ([Supernatural] Screaming)
Wow, it's been a long time since I've updated. xD I'm thinking about getting a Facebook, simply because people seem to use that a lot more than LJ. And also so I can play games and waste my time that way. But we'll see if I do end up getting one or not.

Ummm, let's see! The 28th was the Lady Gaga concert at the Pepsi Center, which was in a word: awesome. I had a good time, my friends seemed like they had a good time, and it was great to just dance to some good pop music.

I started a diet on the 26th; I think it's going pretty well! It's one of those diets that make you eat five or six times a day, which is something I'm still struggling with. Normally I eat two meals a day. So I've pretty much cut out all of the snacks they tell you to eat, since I feel full pretty much all of the time. I've also forgotten to eat breakfast most of the days since I started, but hopefully I'll start to get into the habit of doing that. [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] has been awesome in helping me with the diet; she's been cooking dinner for me and helping me keep on track. [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] also hooked up the Wii Fit for me, so I'm going to try and get up early to use that for at least half an hour every morning.

Work has been one pain in the ass after another. There's so much drama going on at the office right now; it's been a challenge to muster up the energy to even face it every day. One of my coworkers is an idiot, but when everyone complains about her to our boss, we're suddenly "picking on her" and "ganging up on her." In my opinion, if a lot of people complain about this particular woman, shouldn't that show that something is obviously wrong with the way she works? My boss is sacrificing the office morale for the sake of one person, and it's pissing me off. I've decided I'm done with all of that stuff-- I'm going to go in, do my work, and go home; hopefully I'll be able to skirt a lot of the stuff that's going on.

Sheena is also having a party on the 7th, and I honestly don't want to go now after everything that's happened in the last week. But, I already agreed to go, and I'm hoping it won't be as bad as I think. We'll see how I feel on Saturday, though.

My sister is home from CU for about a week or so; we're going to go have lunch tomorrow. Hopefully things will be better between us now than they were on my birthday. xD We did manage to have a civilized conversation on Sunday, when I went over to my parent's home for breakfast before my dad and I took a bike ride.

School starts on the 23rd, which will be nice. I won't feel so lazy every day when I get home from work, as long as I have a class to look forward to. I'm only taking Meteorology and then I'll finally be done at Front Range, so I'm hoping that I'll do well.

Other than that, not much has been going on. Just replaying some old video games and getting through a few books in my stack.

355

May. 23rd, 2010 11:01 pm
jupiterhalo: ([Paradise Kiss] Tired Arashi)
I really question my sanity sometimes.

It's stupid to get depressed over a fricking book series. There's a reason why it's called fiction.

Ugh, I can't take this. I'm going to bed.
jupiterhalo: ([Resident Evil] Cute Jill)
Wasabi post is going to come in a bit, even though there's not that much to post about.

In other news, I know I'm going to jinx myself for saying this, but I think I'm finally almost back to normal. After, what, 4 years of depression and social anxiety? I've noticed that I haven't had a bad day in quite a long time... probably six to nine months, at least. Even though I don't feel the full spectrum of emotions like I think a normal person should, I've finally started to accept that it's okay that I don't. It doesn't mean that I'm any less normal than someone walking down the street. While I notice that I am bracing myself for if/when the other shoe drops, I'm starting to worry less and less about it.

I think my day can be summed up in about six words: I had a good day today. Even after it got off to a rocky start.
jupiterhalo: ([RvB] Grif on fire)
Three weeks ago, I borrowed a few books from the library. One of them is a 589 page book, entitled "The Good War": An Oral History of World War II.

I just finished reading it today. And that makes me incredibly disappointed in myself. Normally I don't have any problems finishing a 589 page book once I pick it up and start reading. Why did this one take so long? Now I have to renew the other 5 books I borrowed at the same time, since they're due tomorrow and I haven't even had a chance to start any of them.

Sigh. But, on a good note, a lady complimented me at work yesterday. That made the rest of my day go by happily, especially since I was at the front desk all day.
jupiterhalo: ([Resident Evil] Cute Jill)
Not a lot has been going on lately! Just school and work, for the most part. xD Oh, and trying to get ready for Wasabi, which is next week. Craaaazy. It'll be nice to get away from Fort Collins for a while, even though I'm not too excited about the convention itself. Since I never do anything related to the con anyway, it's just a chance for me to do what I feel like. I am looking forward to seeing the band play, though. That'll probably be the highlight of the weekend.

I'm trying not to sweat the small stuff. I think I've been letting too many small things bother me lately, and it's had an impact on my health, especially my sleep. I read something yesterday and it made me ridiculously happy. xD Kind of sad that the little things can do that, but... well, I think that I just need to take those feelings when I get them, since I don't get them too often.

Oh, yeah. I think it's sad that in order to get up at 6:45, I need to wake up at 5:00. Which is what I did this morning. Sob.

So, on to the fandom notes! xD

The CW has chosen to renew Supernatural for another season, which will be the last one. Of course, I'm happy that we fans get another season, as I'm not ready to part with the show yet. But, really... where can you go after this season ends? Especially if the writers aren't going to stretch the apocalypse out into season six? I've heard that they want to go back to the feel and style of season one. But, I personally think that would be kind of a letdown after the epic!storylines we've had for the last few seasons. Oh well. I'll watch the beginning of season six and decide from there.

Resident Evil. Oh man, I spend way too much money for this game franchise. xD First, I needed to buy a wireless adapter for my 360, since I couldn't connect the Ethernet cable to the modem/router. That cost $100.00 alone. Then I had to buy a gold membership for my 360 account, and 1000 points to download the new content that was released. So, that's another $21.00 right there. But it was so worth it. To me, the story of Resident Evil is the story of Chris and Jill, so I was happy to play as them again. More new content should be coming out soon, which will be awesome. And "Lost in Nightmares" had the Itchy Tasty file! xD A truncated version, yes, but... still. So awesome.

I think that's everything. Time to go take a shower and get ready for work.

320- Wow.

Oct. 12th, 2009 11:27 pm
jupiterhalo: ([300] This is Sparta)
You know, I think this is the most I've updated my LJ in a week's time... ever. Kind of awesome! But also kind of peyote.

Man. I've done almost nothing since I got home. xD Here's been my day, in review:

I worked a nine hour shift today (it was Payables day today). I got everything done, but it took fricking forever. Man, I hate Payables day. At least it only comes once a month.

After work, I went and got dinner, then ate it while I watched some episodes of Supernatural. I was planning on taking a nap and then starting the homework I need to do after that.

I got the nap in, and I've been looking at my Accounting homework since about 8:00 p.m. Is it done? No. Has it even been started? ...No.

I did do one productive thing, though. I finished tagging all of the entries in my LJ. xD Looking back through some of them makes me cringe. I don't like the person I used to be, and I wonder if I'm still that person. I think that, if I had the chance, I would go back and change things. Decisions, people, events... I think that I would try to do things differently.

Homework time now, I think. Or maybe a shower first.

And lastly, a Halloween meme! :D

My Halloween party! )
jupiterhalo: ([Paradise Kiss] Tired Arashi)
School's been going okay for me so far! My Accounting class ends next week, which is kind of sad. It's been my favorite one so far, and I'm doing really well in it. I got my third test back today and I got a 100% on it. But, I now have Astronomy to look forward to, along with Art History and Comparative Religion.

On a totally unrelated note, to the point of my post. xD So, [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] has a coworker at the gas station named Anthony. I've met him a few times (mostly whenever we've gone in there on her days off) and he's a pretty funny guy. She told me about some of the times he's gone in there on his own days off, when she was working. Apparently he's taken quite an interest in me and told her that he was going to ask me out. I thought "Well, whatever, I'm never going to see him when he's not working, so I don't need to worry about him asking me out."

Yeah. That all changed tonight. xD I stopped in there after I got out of my classes, since [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] was bored and wanted me to come see her. And, Anthony happened to be there at the same time. He'd had a few beers and ended up asking me out for dinner AND breakfast. I tried to turn him down as gently as I could, since all of the days he has off I have other things going on (school, work, etc). He was like "Awww, I feel hurt. But I can tell a no when it's a no. But, just think about it."

I'm flattered that he liked something about me enough to ask me to dinner. xD But, he's in his mid forties to early fifties and smokes/drinks quite a bit. Even if he wasn't old enough to be my dad, I probably wouldn't have said yes. Smoking is something that I find incredibly unattractive; and ever since the whole alcohol thing with my dad, I feel very uncomfortable if I'm around a lot of alcohol or someone who drinks a lot.

So, yeah. That's that.

I'm tired now. Time to go read for a bit.
jupiterhalo: ([RvB] Perfectly sane)
[Error: unknown template qotd]

I do believe in astrology. xD I can't even count the number of books that I have on it. I don't check my horoscope on a daily basis, though.

Anyway, here are some quizzes I've had hanging around for a while, along with a meme taken from [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] and [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com]. :D

Boy howdy! )
jupiterhalo: ([Misc] Trust me)
I have nothing else to do until I go to work in about fifteen minutes, so I'll make a quick LJ post. I've been trying to wake up earlier than my usual time; the plan is that I'm going to try and walk/jog/whatever for an hour before work, since that's really the only time I can do it. I think that the exercise will be good for me; my boss works out before she comes to work and she's always chipper. xD

I've been so unmotivated about exercising, though. At least I haven't gained any weight back, and I went down a size in clothes. :D Still at 12 pounds lost, which is really great. I think I'd be more eager to do something, if I had an iPod or some other kind of music player that I can use while I do it. However, money's been really tight lately. I think I'm going to have a little bit left over when I get paid on the 5th... but that's going towards pre-reg for NDK, the rest of my stuff for Setsuka and hopefully Maria, and things I need like food and gas.

I'm also considering just canceling the cable that we have. :| I think that I can count how many times I've actually watched TV with my fingers and still have a few left over. I don't really believe that I should keep paying for something that I'm not using, and it'd be an extra $10 a month that I'd save. I guess that I should talk to [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com] and see if she'd mind paying for it, since she watches TV the most out of the three of us. But, since her sister's here, I don't really want to talk to her about money stuff until her family leaves.

On a brighter note, school is almost done with! I've gotten straight B's so far, and I'm really proud of myself. Class technically ends on the 6th, but if we pass the final project on the 4th, we don't need to take the final exam. x3 And then I get a small break before school starts for me again on the 25th. It won't be as bad, since I decided to drop Astronomy. I'm only taking three classes, and one of them ends on October 8th.

Work has also been going better. I've gotten a little more used to working at the front again, even though we get some really weird calls. xD Bobbie's getting surgery on August 20th, though. So I'll be working the front desk full-time until she hopefully comes back on the 31st. That'll be interesting, needless to say.

I've been feeling really irrationally angry lately. Maybe it's because I don't get as much sleep as I need. But either way, every day I wind up feeling so angry all the time. xD I really hope that goes away soon...

Bawww. I guess that I had better get to work now.
jupiterhalo: (Dresden Dolls)
Though, it's more of a personal/emotional nature, rather than a physical one. :D

I honestly feel like I was a shitty person during the 3+ years that I was in deep depression, and I'm surprised that my friends who went through that with me are still my friends. I think that the ones that are still with me know how deeply sorry I feel about it, and I think that'll haunt me for the rest of my life. It's something that I've been having to live with (and feel guilty over) ever since I got out of therapy back in September.

It's only now, after over six months of being out of therapy and facing up to my problems, that I realize that now is the time to fix things. I think that having certain people in my life during that difficult time would have helped me immensely, and I'm very sad that they're not a part of my life anymore. But now is the time to make amends, and reach out to them.

So, good job me! I started the ball rolling with two people that I've been missing very dearly. <3 I hope that this will turn out to be a positive thing. I think that this will continue the healing process and journey that I've been on for a long time. Even if the responses I get back aren't positive, at least I know that I can make peace with the fact that I tried to right some of the wrongs I've committed.

And on that note... time to go watch a little bit of Dawn of the Dead!
jupiterhalo: (Miwako)
This meme was taken from [Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com]~

Meme under hurre )

Okay, with that out of the way... I have a question. I think a few people know that I'm seriously going to start trying to lose weight. Which means that I'm going to join a gym, get as much exercise as I can, cut down on food, etc. I was thinking earlier how things like looking good in a cosplay outfit, looking and being healthier, etc. may not be enough of an incentive to lose the amount of weight that I'm aiming for. So... I decided that once I reach my goal, or get close to it, I was going to take a trip. I was thinking of going someplace out of the country; maybe London. If I can get there, would anyone be interested in taking this trip with me? I think it would be sad to see all of these cool things without someone there to share it with. I've been looking into travel sites, and a hotel and flight is only like... an average of $700 per person right now. If no one wants to take me up on this offer, that's totally fine. :D I just thought it would be a cool thing to see if anyone would be interested in traveling with me. And you've got time to set aside money and all that; it's not like I would lose all of these pounds in a matter of months. xD; But, yeah. That's my question.

I'm going to start work on my taxes now.
jupiterhalo: (Blue Rose (DN))
Here are my results for the Colorgenics test:

Name: Maki
Date: 11/12/2008
Colorgenics Number: 15702346

You have always longed for tenderness, love and a sensitivity of feeling into which you would like to blend. You are a very gentle warm person and responsive to 'All things bright and beautiful'. This personifies a caring person, a person who 'needs' and indeed 'needs to be needed'.

You are totally dissatisfied with your present situation. Matters are not going right for you and you are seeking a means of escape. Your mental state of mind necessitates that you need to change your thinking patterns. Remember, if one particular modus operandi doesn't seem to work, then try something different.

You are not an argumentative sort of person and 'rather than fight - you'd switch' (an old cigarette ad cliche). But when you try to assert yourself - as sometimes you may try to do - you meet with so much resistance and effrontery that manifests itself so obviously that you become hurt, indignant and resentful. So in order to have peace and quiet you tend to become inhibited. You keep it all to yourself but deep down, you 'feel' and 'hurt' a lot.

You are pretending that the situation around you doesn't matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress. The existing situation is disagreeable. You feel unwanted and lonely and you would really like to associate with someone whose ideals are as high as your own. You want to be above the standard of mediocrity and this need to be needed and that need to need has almost become an obsession. You are trying to magnify the need into a compelling urge. You would really like to tell the world how great you are but no, you are holding back because you feel that your peers may treat you with contempt. This is a great pity because you have in fact a unique quality of character, but the continual restraint that you impose on yourself makes you suppress this need for others and you pretend you don't really care. You treat those who criticise you with contempt. However, to be honest, beneath this assumption of indifference you really long for the approval and esteem of others.

You would like to be respected and valued for yourself and this can only be achieved from within a close and harmonious relationship.

***

Some of that was actually very accurate! But I don't quite know about some other parts...

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